Saturday, July 12, 2008
Why I am breaking up with you, M. Night Shyamalan
I'll admit it, I really thought I was in love way back when I first got to know you. How vividly I remember that first time- together in a darkened theater, how you totally took me off guard, you made me question all I thought I knew. I saw the world turned upside-down, I saw everything in a new light, I saw... dead people. But it was never really the same after that was it? Oh sure, you tried to keep things interesting, but I couldn't help the feeling that you were losing respect for me, and that your attempts to surprise me were becoming increasingly more pathetic. Remember that day in The Village? Yeah, I only pretended to be surprised, figured everything out in the trailer, really. But everything was so pretty that I forgave you. I should have paid more attention to the Signs- because when you do that thing really doesn't make a lot of sense. And to think that I spent years defending you to my friends, even when you'd make those inappropriate cameos, show up out of nowhere spouting cockamamie explanations. I even kept your secrets- like the fact that you wrote the Stuart Little screenplay. Just when I thought I might give up on you for good, you announced that you had changed. "Family friendly" you said. But while you promised me a modern day fairy tale, all I remember is crying in the shower. And the word "narf". And then there's this. What happened that most unlucky Friday in June. At first I was just disappointed, then bored, but now I'm angry- and it's been an entire month since it Happeninged. For that you can never be forgiven, never be given another chance, never be given 10 more of my dollars. I'm sorry Manoj, but that's just the way I feel about it, and I will not change my mind. Well, I guess we'll see how I feel when Avatar comes out.
Apologies to Songco